Waiting

The Beecher sisters discussed nervous disorders in a chapter about the brain. Interesting to me as my son is having disorders that look like seizures. They talk about how intense focus on one thing for too long is harmful, even focus on religion. This is so humane. They say that sometimes the best thing a person can do is go for a walk or do something fun.

Priority and Presumption

So I just realized the post title could be a Jane Austen novel.

I wish I'd read AWH six months ago. I think it would have been so helpful. I thought I was too tired, and needed to rest more. Little did I know.

The sisters talk about how to manage one's time, the importance of doing so, and the priorities a Christian woman should maintain for herself and her household. Spiritual and moral concerns first, social and intellectual after, and the gratification of desires third. I find their instructions helpful though it does sting a bit to realize how much I have mismanaged my time over the past nine months, and especially the months preceding Stefan's arrival.

I am glad to say that my son is doing much better. I am a little confused about how much I can get out and do when it interferes with his sleeping. Did mothers in the Beecher clan ever get out? They speak of giving and receiving visits. I wonder how this was possible. Perhaps they left the kids with servants? That is not to say they had it easy. Again, I didn't have to make my kids' clothes or wash them by hand. The sister's plan for regulating one's weekly life included one day for washing and one day for ironing. I wonder how many women do that kind of thing. I almost never iron.

I have learned lately not to presume a generality. A lot of marketing is done to make you think everyone has or does something. Everyone doesn't. I won't presume all mothers spend one day washing, or that most mothers have a day set aside for that.

The sisters are kind enough in their instructions to say that just starting to do one thing is enough at a time. For instance, setting aside the leisure time of each day for a certain task. That is encouraging. Maybe that's a place I can start.

I must also add that for there to be any kind of regulation in any household, the kids have to be on some kind of routine. I have just realized lately that my son must be swaddled to take a nap. If he is, maybe we'll get on a schedule. But I positively could not get anything done there for awhile. So getting babies regulated - and I mean that in the kindest way - is a priority task for mothers. How do to it is a source of MUCH disagreement, and consequent confusion. I follow one method, did it wrong, and ended up with kind of a mess. I am willing to admit that it was partly my fault, which hopefully will help lessen the confusion for others who seek my advice (should they). Whether or not it is presumptuous to try to tell someone else how to get their child regulated on a feeding schedule is the subject of another post, or perhaps, another blog. I do not feel that writing a book is presumptuous. One has the choice to pick it up or put it down.

Passion and Purpose

I was listening to a podcast today by a most beloved conference planner and speaker, who was exhorting a group of students going back to college to excellence in whatever they would pursue, based on Colossians 3:17 ("And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him"). I really appreciated the exhortation to students to be the best architect, chemist, or designer of high-end boutique blue jeans, that they could possibly be. He spoke of freedom, and he is right. There is more that glorifies God than strictly ministerial work. I think this has been clear for a long time, but the speaker was encouraging the students to pursue whatever that dream was with passion, remembering that glorifying God was the purpose of it.

I wish that there was such exhortation and encouragement given to mothers. I admit I was a bit disappointed when, among the list of future occupations the speaker mentioned, motherhood was not mentioned, even though it was a gathering of both men and women. I wonder if any of those college women will be in for a shock and a disappointment when, in the future, motherhood is their portion, and doing it excellently is not seen as a very important role. I often think it is not seen as important. Presumably, almost half of the audience will find a large part of their future career to be the work of mothering, and yet it wasn't mentioned at all among other professions or worthwhile pursuits.

Later on I went back to The American Woman's Home, and, coincidentally, read chapter 16, which is about how a housekeeper can maintain good spirits and a cheerful temper. This passage deserved highlighting:

"In the first place, a woman who has charge of a large household should regard her duties as dignified, important, and difficult. The mind is so made as to be elevated and cheered by a snse of far-reaching influence and usefulness. A woman who feels that she is a cipher, and that it makes little difference how she performs her duties, has far less to sustain and invigorate her, than one who truly estimates the importance of her station."

Absolutely. I think in some places and ways motherhood is seen as important and difficult, but specifically for college women I think it is something swept under the rug, ignored. Perhaps it is assumed that women who go to college will not pursue full-time motherhood. I have read that actually it is only 40% of mothers who work out of the home full-time. That means that the majority of women who become mothers in this country have it as their primary occupation. Whether that is by choice or necessity, it is a reality. I certainly think a woman who pursues full-time motherhood should have a college education. I just don't think that that education should be organized in such a way as to make her think that full-time motherhood is an unimportant occupation.

BTW, the speaker made another point that I think applies here. He said that it was important not to let one's passion become one's purpose. That is, if you have a passion for architecture, remember that you are doing the building in the name of Christ. If the building isn't that great, then, you aren't sunk. Similarly, a mom should remember that it is about Jesus, and not just about being a mother. When motherhood is difficult, or her plans fail, she can remember that she is living for something greater than herself or even her family.

9/11

It's not just a date. The calendar-date name cannot contain the significance of the event. As I've looked down at my phone today and seen those words on a screen, it shook me, and I had to remember that it is, indeed, also just today's date.

It seems so hard to take anything seriously these days. I just read a quote from a friend's FB page that pointed out that there are, in fact, things worth going to war for, and that believing nothing was worth war was worse than war itself. I tend to agree.

I don't think I took motherhood seriously enough before I embarked on it. If I had, I would have trained harder for it. I really just didn't know what it took. One thing the past week has made me realize is that it is enough to be a mom. I am not being lazy if I don't attempt to do a bunch of other things. It's a relief.

Of course, I do do other things, and so do the women I study. They do things in the name of motherhood, though, whereas I think a lot of women do other things in the name of not motherhood.

I don't know where ther rhetoric ends and the reality begins. My reality is saying that taking care of little kiddoes is a challenge that requires one's primary resources. I am not quite sure how to put this any better. I have simply realized that for me, to do it right, right now, requires a large, and legitimate, commitment. I think I am finally learning to take it seriously.

Life and Other Plans

Haven't posted in over a week because of good and bad things.

Good: birthday party Sept. 2. Girlfriends gabbing for five and a half hours. It was therapy.

Neutral: Scott gone for weekend. Not "bad" because i wasn't an unforeseen problem. I missed him.

Bad: Five-month-old son had seizures and was in the hospital for three days, two of which my husband was still out of town for.

Thus I have not studied for a week. I could have blogged. Next time I can't study, I will remind myself it's okay to still blog.

My son is okay now. The emergency part is over, but he still has a problem, and I am not sure what it is. It has something to do w/his nervous system. He just gets overloaded. Swaddling him helps. I think he was sleep-deprived and suffering from GERD again. I can treat those things.

My church has been amazing in pouring out support. Parenting two itty bitties is always hard, but has been especially so this past week.

I actually am still thinking about academic stuff in the midst of this. Stowe had several children die before they reached adulthood. I think she had a baby die. It was so common then. I wonder how different their my parenting style would be raising so many children, and knowing that I would probably not get to see them all to adulthood. Would I open my heart as much? Would I spoil them more, because I knew the time was precious, or less, because I knew they needed to be hardy?

Early Risers and French Food

Okay, I know this wasn't supposed to be a food blog, but there is a lot of stuff in this book about food. The importance of emulating French cooking was a surprising topic, but the sisters assure me we can emulate their cooking without picking up on their bad habits. Charming.

So I made French toast this morning, and was more careful than usual to keep the heat at an appropriate setting so as not to burn anything, and to brown it properly. Cooked it in a little bit of butter, which the sisters say MUST be unsalted and should be WHITE, not yellow. Mine is kind of in-between. I read the ingredient label for the first time: pasteurized cream, and natural flavors. Hmm. Why?

A later chapter talked about the importance of being an early riser. I normally am, but slept in a bit this morning because it was a cloudy, rainy day, and because I was up a little later with the baby than I intended.

More on servantless American cooks and mothers later, I hope.