Ah, coffee. You have come into my life and set me free from the grips of a headache. Kids are napping.
I've always loved Christmas, but this year the season has coincided with a season of refreshing for us as a family, too. I believe this was meant to be to the glory of God. A weekend ago our family took a trip North for a few days to kick off what I feel is going to be a very joyful holiday season for us. There is a time and a season for everything and every purpose under heaven, and it is simply time for us to be refreshed.
"Give Reviving," a hymn revived by Sandra McCracken song thanks God's promises for his promises, but asks for present blessings. Such is the Christmas season - full of blessings, gifts undeserved, and cause for rejoicing. This year, I hope that we will maintain an attitude of rejoicing and thankfulness. We are trying to do Advent devotions, and take it easy as far as travel and gifts.
It has been a very productive weekend for us - productivity can be refreshing, as well. Among projects: house decorated for Christmas (inside and out), with room left inside for more touches/evolution; hosted Thanksgiving; gave Stefan first haircut; made first diaper cake, and cooked ahead to be prepared for next two weeks of meals. Now it is time to make more baby food. I confess I wish I could just nap, because I am fatigued, but that is what the coffee was for.
Father, keep send reviving!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Parting Thoughts
Stowe and Beecher are such thoughtful writers. They close The American Woman's Home with consolation for those who, reading the book, feel they have already failed. We are all sinners, they counsel. As long as "there is this constant aim and purpose to obey Christ in all things, mistakes in judgment as to what is right and wrong are pitied, 'even as a father pitieth his children,' when from ignorance they run into harm."
They conclude with a millienial vision which I do not understand, but perhaps shall in the future.
As a mom going through a difficult time with a child who is suffering, I have reproached myself over and over for what I would/might/could have done differently. I do know the Father's heart is with me; that He hurts for me as I hurt for my son. And perhaps He pities me for the mistakes I have made as well. And that is a good place to rest for tonight.
They conclude with a millienial vision which I do not understand, but perhaps shall in the future.
As a mom going through a difficult time with a child who is suffering, I have reproached myself over and over for what I would/might/could have done differently. I do know the Father's heart is with me; that He hurts for me as I hurt for my son. And perhaps He pities me for the mistakes I have made as well. And that is a good place to rest for tonight.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Pumpkin Pie
Made some tonight from a pumpkin patch pumpkin. Didn't think it would turn out well, but it is pretty tasty. Fun to make the filling from scratch.
First day back to church with Stefan. I was focused on getting him and his caregivers adjusted to his new situation. I think it was mostly successful. I guess I will have to orient one new group each week as the second morning shift is always volunteers. I kind of want to just be in there all the time since that's where my baby is. I'm wondering about it.
Seems like once you get into this motherhood thing, you're in much deeper than you ever expected to be. I don't mind it as much as someone would who'd never had it affirmed in their life.
First day back to church with Stefan. I was focused on getting him and his caregivers adjusted to his new situation. I think it was mostly successful. I guess I will have to orient one new group each week as the second morning shift is always volunteers. I kind of want to just be in there all the time since that's where my baby is. I'm wondering about it.
Seems like once you get into this motherhood thing, you're in much deeper than you ever expected to be. I don't mind it as much as someone would who'd never had it affirmed in their life.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Has it been a month?
Seizures have come and gone. It has been almost three weeks since he's had one, and life is getting back to normal. So normal, that I did a little bit of reading last night. That was done, in part, to help me feel more normal. Blogging here helps me feel more normal, too. Stefan is doing great - he is across the room, rolled over on his belly on a little quilt a lady from church made him. I wish I could make quilts. Actually, I can, I just don't! I spend my time doing other things.
Which is kind of what my reading was about yesterday; Stowe and Beecher were saying that American women were thoroughly capable of doing all of the work of their households, but instead, put themselves to work instructing others to do it. There were pros and cons to this; the pro is she can figure out how to do it more efficiently when she's not on the task herself; the con is that she grows physically weak and requires outside exercise. I never quite thought of chores as exercise, but certainly, they are! I have often felt too tired to do my chores, but once I started doing Zumba, felt more into it.
Baby rolling off quilt toward hearth.
A key point I read last night was about how running a household efficiently required lifelong training. She juxtaposed training in domestic arts with school learning, and balanced this against the women's movement. She says that the women's movement was in response to a lot of real problems of confining and underestimating women, but that, nevertheless, someone needed to take care of the house, and those skills were going undeveloped. There was a remark in there about women who were filled with book learning but totally lacking common sense about things. This reminded me of a time when I was reading a book on infant sleep. A friend told me to use the book and apply it using my own common sense. I thought to myself, "I don't have any common sense when it comes to babies. That's why I'm reading this book!" Well, I still feel like I don't have common sense about raising kids, and wish I had been school in that, too!
Which is kind of what my reading was about yesterday; Stowe and Beecher were saying that American women were thoroughly capable of doing all of the work of their households, but instead, put themselves to work instructing others to do it. There were pros and cons to this; the pro is she can figure out how to do it more efficiently when she's not on the task herself; the con is that she grows physically weak and requires outside exercise. I never quite thought of chores as exercise, but certainly, they are! I have often felt too tired to do my chores, but once I started doing Zumba, felt more into it.
Baby rolling off quilt toward hearth.
A key point I read last night was about how running a household efficiently required lifelong training. She juxtaposed training in domestic arts with school learning, and balanced this against the women's movement. She says that the women's movement was in response to a lot of real problems of confining and underestimating women, but that, nevertheless, someone needed to take care of the house, and those skills were going undeveloped. There was a remark in there about women who were filled with book learning but totally lacking common sense about things. This reminded me of a time when I was reading a book on infant sleep. A friend told me to use the book and apply it using my own common sense. I thought to myself, "I don't have any common sense when it comes to babies. That's why I'm reading this book!" Well, I still feel like I don't have common sense about raising kids, and wish I had been school in that, too!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Waiting
The Beecher sisters discussed nervous disorders in a chapter about the brain. Interesting to me as my son is having disorders that look like seizures. They talk about how intense focus on one thing for too long is harmful, even focus on religion. This is so humane. They say that sometimes the best thing a person can do is go for a walk or do something fun.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Priority and Presumption
So I just realized the post title could be a Jane Austen novel.
I wish I'd read AWH six months ago. I think it would have been so helpful. I thought I was too tired, and needed to rest more. Little did I know.
The sisters talk about how to manage one's time, the importance of doing so, and the priorities a Christian woman should maintain for herself and her household. Spiritual and moral concerns first, social and intellectual after, and the gratification of desires third. I find their instructions helpful though it does sting a bit to realize how much I have mismanaged my time over the past nine months, and especially the months preceding Stefan's arrival.
I am glad to say that my son is doing much better. I am a little confused about how much I can get out and do when it interferes with his sleeping. Did mothers in the Beecher clan ever get out? They speak of giving and receiving visits. I wonder how this was possible. Perhaps they left the kids with servants? That is not to say they had it easy. Again, I didn't have to make my kids' clothes or wash them by hand. The sister's plan for regulating one's weekly life included one day for washing and one day for ironing. I wonder how many women do that kind of thing. I almost never iron.
I have learned lately not to presume a generality. A lot of marketing is done to make you think everyone has or does something. Everyone doesn't. I won't presume all mothers spend one day washing, or that most mothers have a day set aside for that.
The sisters are kind enough in their instructions to say that just starting to do one thing is enough at a time. For instance, setting aside the leisure time of each day for a certain task. That is encouraging. Maybe that's a place I can start.
I must also add that for there to be any kind of regulation in any household, the kids have to be on some kind of routine. I have just realized lately that my son must be swaddled to take a nap. If he is, maybe we'll get on a schedule. But I positively could not get anything done there for awhile. So getting babies regulated - and I mean that in the kindest way - is a priority task for mothers. How do to it is a source of MUCH disagreement, and consequent confusion. I follow one method, did it wrong, and ended up with kind of a mess. I am willing to admit that it was partly my fault, which hopefully will help lessen the confusion for others who seek my advice (should they). Whether or not it is presumptuous to try to tell someone else how to get their child regulated on a feeding schedule is the subject of another post, or perhaps, another blog. I do not feel that writing a book is presumptuous. One has the choice to pick it up or put it down.
I wish I'd read AWH six months ago. I think it would have been so helpful. I thought I was too tired, and needed to rest more. Little did I know.
The sisters talk about how to manage one's time, the importance of doing so, and the priorities a Christian woman should maintain for herself and her household. Spiritual and moral concerns first, social and intellectual after, and the gratification of desires third. I find their instructions helpful though it does sting a bit to realize how much I have mismanaged my time over the past nine months, and especially the months preceding Stefan's arrival.
I am glad to say that my son is doing much better. I am a little confused about how much I can get out and do when it interferes with his sleeping. Did mothers in the Beecher clan ever get out? They speak of giving and receiving visits. I wonder how this was possible. Perhaps they left the kids with servants? That is not to say they had it easy. Again, I didn't have to make my kids' clothes or wash them by hand. The sister's plan for regulating one's weekly life included one day for washing and one day for ironing. I wonder how many women do that kind of thing. I almost never iron.
I have learned lately not to presume a generality. A lot of marketing is done to make you think everyone has or does something. Everyone doesn't. I won't presume all mothers spend one day washing, or that most mothers have a day set aside for that.
The sisters are kind enough in their instructions to say that just starting to do one thing is enough at a time. For instance, setting aside the leisure time of each day for a certain task. That is encouraging. Maybe that's a place I can start.
I must also add that for there to be any kind of regulation in any household, the kids have to be on some kind of routine. I have just realized lately that my son must be swaddled to take a nap. If he is, maybe we'll get on a schedule. But I positively could not get anything done there for awhile. So getting babies regulated - and I mean that in the kindest way - is a priority task for mothers. How do to it is a source of MUCH disagreement, and consequent confusion. I follow one method, did it wrong, and ended up with kind of a mess. I am willing to admit that it was partly my fault, which hopefully will help lessen the confusion for others who seek my advice (should they). Whether or not it is presumptuous to try to tell someone else how to get their child regulated on a feeding schedule is the subject of another post, or perhaps, another blog. I do not feel that writing a book is presumptuous. One has the choice to pick it up or put it down.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Passion and Purpose
I was listening to a podcast today by a most beloved conference planner and speaker, who was exhorting a group of students going back to college to excellence in whatever they would pursue, based on Colossians 3:17 ("And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him"). I really appreciated the exhortation to students to be the best architect, chemist, or designer of high-end boutique blue jeans, that they could possibly be. He spoke of freedom, and he is right. There is more that glorifies God than strictly ministerial work. I think this has been clear for a long time, but the speaker was encouraging the students to pursue whatever that dream was with passion, remembering that glorifying God was the purpose of it.
I wish that there was such exhortation and encouragement given to mothers. I admit I was a bit disappointed when, among the list of future occupations the speaker mentioned, motherhood was not mentioned, even though it was a gathering of both men and women. I wonder if any of those college women will be in for a shock and a disappointment when, in the future, motherhood is their portion, and doing it excellently is not seen as a very important role. I often think it is not seen as important. Presumably, almost half of the audience will find a large part of their future career to be the work of mothering, and yet it wasn't mentioned at all among other professions or worthwhile pursuits.
Later on I went back to The American Woman's Home, and, coincidentally, read chapter 16, which is about how a housekeeper can maintain good spirits and a cheerful temper. This passage deserved highlighting:
"In the first place, a woman who has charge of a large household should regard her duties as dignified, important, and difficult. The mind is so made as to be elevated and cheered by a snse of far-reaching influence and usefulness. A woman who feels that she is a cipher, and that it makes little difference how she performs her duties, has far less to sustain and invigorate her, than one who truly estimates the importance of her station."
Absolutely. I think in some places and ways motherhood is seen as important and difficult, but specifically for college women I think it is something swept under the rug, ignored. Perhaps it is assumed that women who go to college will not pursue full-time motherhood. I have read that actually it is only 40% of mothers who work out of the home full-time. That means that the majority of women who become mothers in this country have it as their primary occupation. Whether that is by choice or necessity, it is a reality. I certainly think a woman who pursues full-time motherhood should have a college education. I just don't think that that education should be organized in such a way as to make her think that full-time motherhood is an unimportant occupation.
BTW, the speaker made another point that I think applies here. He said that it was important not to let one's passion become one's purpose. That is, if you have a passion for architecture, remember that you are doing the building in the name of Christ. If the building isn't that great, then, you aren't sunk. Similarly, a mom should remember that it is about Jesus, and not just about being a mother. When motherhood is difficult, or her plans fail, she can remember that she is living for something greater than herself or even her family.
I wish that there was such exhortation and encouragement given to mothers. I admit I was a bit disappointed when, among the list of future occupations the speaker mentioned, motherhood was not mentioned, even though it was a gathering of both men and women. I wonder if any of those college women will be in for a shock and a disappointment when, in the future, motherhood is their portion, and doing it excellently is not seen as a very important role. I often think it is not seen as important. Presumably, almost half of the audience will find a large part of their future career to be the work of mothering, and yet it wasn't mentioned at all among other professions or worthwhile pursuits.
Later on I went back to The American Woman's Home, and, coincidentally, read chapter 16, which is about how a housekeeper can maintain good spirits and a cheerful temper. This passage deserved highlighting:
"In the first place, a woman who has charge of a large household should regard her duties as dignified, important, and difficult. The mind is so made as to be elevated and cheered by a snse of far-reaching influence and usefulness. A woman who feels that she is a cipher, and that it makes little difference how she performs her duties, has far less to sustain and invigorate her, than one who truly estimates the importance of her station."
Absolutely. I think in some places and ways motherhood is seen as important and difficult, but specifically for college women I think it is something swept under the rug, ignored. Perhaps it is assumed that women who go to college will not pursue full-time motherhood. I have read that actually it is only 40% of mothers who work out of the home full-time. That means that the majority of women who become mothers in this country have it as their primary occupation. Whether that is by choice or necessity, it is a reality. I certainly think a woman who pursues full-time motherhood should have a college education. I just don't think that that education should be organized in such a way as to make her think that full-time motherhood is an unimportant occupation.
BTW, the speaker made another point that I think applies here. He said that it was important not to let one's passion become one's purpose. That is, if you have a passion for architecture, remember that you are doing the building in the name of Christ. If the building isn't that great, then, you aren't sunk. Similarly, a mom should remember that it is about Jesus, and not just about being a mother. When motherhood is difficult, or her plans fail, she can remember that she is living for something greater than herself or even her family.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
9/11
It's not just a date. The calendar-date name cannot contain the significance of the event. As I've looked down at my phone today and seen those words on a screen, it shook me, and I had to remember that it is, indeed, also just today's date.
It seems so hard to take anything seriously these days. I just read a quote from a friend's FB page that pointed out that there are, in fact, things worth going to war for, and that believing nothing was worth war was worse than war itself. I tend to agree.
I don't think I took motherhood seriously enough before I embarked on it. If I had, I would have trained harder for it. I really just didn't know what it took. One thing the past week has made me realize is that it is enough to be a mom. I am not being lazy if I don't attempt to do a bunch of other things. It's a relief.
Of course, I do do other things, and so do the women I study. They do things in the name of motherhood, though, whereas I think a lot of women do other things in the name of not motherhood.
I don't know where ther rhetoric ends and the reality begins. My reality is saying that taking care of little kiddoes is a challenge that requires one's primary resources. I am not quite sure how to put this any better. I have simply realized that for me, to do it right, right now, requires a large, and legitimate, commitment. I think I am finally learning to take it seriously.
It seems so hard to take anything seriously these days. I just read a quote from a friend's FB page that pointed out that there are, in fact, things worth going to war for, and that believing nothing was worth war was worse than war itself. I tend to agree.
I don't think I took motherhood seriously enough before I embarked on it. If I had, I would have trained harder for it. I really just didn't know what it took. One thing the past week has made me realize is that it is enough to be a mom. I am not being lazy if I don't attempt to do a bunch of other things. It's a relief.
Of course, I do do other things, and so do the women I study. They do things in the name of motherhood, though, whereas I think a lot of women do other things in the name of not motherhood.
I don't know where ther rhetoric ends and the reality begins. My reality is saying that taking care of little kiddoes is a challenge that requires one's primary resources. I am not quite sure how to put this any better. I have simply realized that for me, to do it right, right now, requires a large, and legitimate, commitment. I think I am finally learning to take it seriously.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Life and Other Plans
Haven't posted in over a week because of good and bad things.
Good: birthday party Sept. 2. Girlfriends gabbing for five and a half hours. It was therapy.
Neutral: Scott gone for weekend. Not "bad" because i wasn't an unforeseen problem. I missed him.
Bad: Five-month-old son had seizures and was in the hospital for three days, two of which my husband was still out of town for.
Thus I have not studied for a week. I could have blogged. Next time I can't study, I will remind myself it's okay to still blog.
My son is okay now. The emergency part is over, but he still has a problem, and I am not sure what it is. It has something to do w/his nervous system. He just gets overloaded. Swaddling him helps. I think he was sleep-deprived and suffering from GERD again. I can treat those things.
My church has been amazing in pouring out support. Parenting two itty bitties is always hard, but has been especially so this past week.
I actually am still thinking about academic stuff in the midst of this. Stowe had several children die before they reached adulthood. I think she had a baby die. It was so common then. I wonder how different their my parenting style would be raising so many children, and knowing that I would probably not get to see them all to adulthood. Would I open my heart as much? Would I spoil them more, because I knew the time was precious, or less, because I knew they needed to be hardy?
Good: birthday party Sept. 2. Girlfriends gabbing for five and a half hours. It was therapy.
Neutral: Scott gone for weekend. Not "bad" because i wasn't an unforeseen problem. I missed him.
Bad: Five-month-old son had seizures and was in the hospital for three days, two of which my husband was still out of town for.
Thus I have not studied for a week. I could have blogged. Next time I can't study, I will remind myself it's okay to still blog.
My son is okay now. The emergency part is over, but he still has a problem, and I am not sure what it is. It has something to do w/his nervous system. He just gets overloaded. Swaddling him helps. I think he was sleep-deprived and suffering from GERD again. I can treat those things.
My church has been amazing in pouring out support. Parenting two itty bitties is always hard, but has been especially so this past week.
I actually am still thinking about academic stuff in the midst of this. Stowe had several children die before they reached adulthood. I think she had a baby die. It was so common then. I wonder how different their my parenting style would be raising so many children, and knowing that I would probably not get to see them all to adulthood. Would I open my heart as much? Would I spoil them more, because I knew the time was precious, or less, because I knew they needed to be hardy?
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Early Risers and French Food
Okay, I know this wasn't supposed to be a food blog, but there is a lot of stuff in this book about food. The importance of emulating French cooking was a surprising topic, but the sisters assure me we can emulate their cooking without picking up on their bad habits. Charming.
So I made French toast this morning, and was more careful than usual to keep the heat at an appropriate setting so as not to burn anything, and to brown it properly. Cooked it in a little bit of butter, which the sisters say MUST be unsalted and should be WHITE, not yellow. Mine is kind of in-between. I read the ingredient label for the first time: pasteurized cream, and natural flavors. Hmm. Why?
A later chapter talked about the importance of being an early riser. I normally am, but slept in a bit this morning because it was a cloudy, rainy day, and because I was up a little later with the baby than I intended.
More on servantless American cooks and mothers later, I hope.
So I made French toast this morning, and was more careful than usual to keep the heat at an appropriate setting so as not to burn anything, and to brown it properly. Cooked it in a little bit of butter, which the sisters say MUST be unsalted and should be WHITE, not yellow. Mine is kind of in-between. I read the ingredient label for the first time: pasteurized cream, and natural flavors. Hmm. Why?
A later chapter talked about the importance of being an early riser. I normally am, but slept in a bit this morning because it was a cloudy, rainy day, and because I was up a little later with the baby than I intended.
More on servantless American cooks and mothers later, I hope.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Everything Old is Food Again
Reading through the sections on food and health I am impressed by how much of what this book says stacks up with what I consider good - but uncommon - advice these days. Things like being sure to eat whole foods, combine foods properly so as not to eat too many carbs (pre-Atkins!), and much more. Reading about all of this food prep has stimulated my appetite, and though the Beecher sisters would frown on such an indulgence, perhaps, I have mixed myself a mug of hot chocolate to enjoy as I continue reading.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Day By Day
I am in the part of Stowe and Beecher's The American Woman's Home where they describe what is necessary for health. To encourage mothers to train their children in domestic exercise, they describe how all of the parts of the body work together - the mind, emotions, muscles, etc. - and how if one part is over-used, the rest suffers.
My life now is much less involved in study than it once was, but overall I am much healthier. I can study for about two hours without pushing myself. That's the point when I want to do something else. Right now, that's all I can study per day, so it works out fairly well. The rest of the day is employed otherwiswe, in working around the house, taking care of kids, running errands, going to church, writing e-mail, etc. When I do get to study, I really eat it up.
I am in better physical shape than I've been in a long time, thanks to Zumba, which is downright FUN. I feel it's important to dance, and to get in a groove. Other kinds of exercise don't excite me. Stowe and Beecher discuss the importance of exercise that one finds interesting, to keep the mind engaged, so the whole person develops together. Smart ladies.
Now that I am in better shape, I can sit and concentrate longer. Plus, I can make it through the day with a bit more energy. I imagine that in a few years I'll have more study time each day, assuming I do not have another baby in that period of time. But that is a whole different topic. :)
My life now is much less involved in study than it once was, but overall I am much healthier. I can study for about two hours without pushing myself. That's the point when I want to do something else. Right now, that's all I can study per day, so it works out fairly well. The rest of the day is employed otherwiswe, in working around the house, taking care of kids, running errands, going to church, writing e-mail, etc. When I do get to study, I really eat it up.
I am in better physical shape than I've been in a long time, thanks to Zumba, which is downright FUN. I feel it's important to dance, and to get in a groove. Other kinds of exercise don't excite me. Stowe and Beecher discuss the importance of exercise that one finds interesting, to keep the mind engaged, so the whole person develops together. Smart ladies.
Now that I am in better shape, I can sit and concentrate longer. Plus, I can make it through the day with a bit more energy. I imagine that in a few years I'll have more study time each day, assuming I do not have another baby in that period of time. But that is a whole different topic. :)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Blog Clog
I am backed up one day. I completely forgot to study yesterday, except for the time I spent reading a Kindle book while I was nursing an infant. I guess I am just not in the habit yet.
Habits. The Beecher sisters had good ones, and good ways of talking about them. Their manner of speech/writing is winsome and friendly. The chapter I'm on talks about how to decorate your house for cheap for the comfort as well as intellectual and moral benefit of the household. They argue that beautiful things help the young to be glad to be in the home, and certain statues and pictures can stimulate intellectual curiosity. I think they are right.
It's fun to learn what $80 would buy in the 1840's. According to the chapter, you could either buy one ugly rug, or create a matching sofa, two ottomans, curtains and tablecloth, buy wall-hangings and I'm not sure what else. Basically they decorate and furnish a whole great-room.
I am definitely inspired to make my house more beautiful.
Habits. The Beecher sisters had good ones, and good ways of talking about them. Their manner of speech/writing is winsome and friendly. The chapter I'm on talks about how to decorate your house for cheap for the comfort as well as intellectual and moral benefit of the household. They argue that beautiful things help the young to be glad to be in the home, and certain statues and pictures can stimulate intellectual curiosity. I think they are right.
It's fun to learn what $80 would buy in the 1840's. According to the chapter, you could either buy one ugly rug, or create a matching sofa, two ottomans, curtains and tablecloth, buy wall-hangings and I'm not sure what else. Basically they decorate and furnish a whole great-room.
I am definitely inspired to make my house more beautiful.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The American Woman's Home
Returned from a visit to the Wester History Collection at the University of Oklahoma library tonight, where I put a copy of HBS/Catherine Beecher's The American Woman's Home on hold. Our library has at least three non-circulating copies of the book, and I chose the WH copy mainly because the facility is open until ten on weeknights.
I have been reading the book on Kindle for iPod. It was a free download. I guess I've read about 40 pages of the 500-page book so far. I couldn't tell until I looked at the book in the library, because the Kindle version I'm using has no page numbers.
The whole idea of Kindle editions would take Stowe a little bit of time to get used to, but I have no doubt she's hurdle the learning curve and get right in stride with technology. Reading The American Woman's Home, I am struck by the knowledge and capacity of these two women. It is like reading Better Homes and Gardens, if the advice in the magazine were taken seriously and not just as entertainment. The sisters present a design for a house and have it and its furnishings and utensils planned down to inch measurement. It's a really rare thing these days to find housekeeping advice that meticulous.
One surprising reason for this is that the sisters were trying to raise the profile of housekeeping and mothering by somewhat formalizing training. Doctors and lawyers, they argue, take ten years to prepare for their profession, while mothers are responsible for the health and safety of the most vulnerable population, and yet their work is considered the lowest form of professional degradation. They do not say, as I expected them to, that women have no training.
They go on to argue that the job is mostly manual labor, but that Jesus and Paul were both manual laborers themselves. They go back and forth between the humility and the honor of the job. I wonder if mothering and housekeeping really was so poorly thought of. I'm sure these sisters knew the field. It is so strange to me, though, to imagine that these female roles really weren't respected.
On a personal note, I certainly can use help and advice, but wisdom is what I most need. Wisdom is applying the right advice in the right situation. Sometimes the more parenting advice I read, the less I know what to do. I wonder if trying to "professionalize" something necessarily raises its profile. Ugh. Sometimes I am very glad I am not "paid" for this job. The pressure would be too intense. And how in the world would I be evaluated, anyway?
I am reading for the sake of research, but I hope to glean some insight on how to run my home, too. I would like to be as well-versed in how to manage my budget, furnishings, clothing, etc. as I am in how to download a free copy of an out-of-print book onto my iPod.
I have been reading the book on Kindle for iPod. It was a free download. I guess I've read about 40 pages of the 500-page book so far. I couldn't tell until I looked at the book in the library, because the Kindle version I'm using has no page numbers.
The whole idea of Kindle editions would take Stowe a little bit of time to get used to, but I have no doubt she's hurdle the learning curve and get right in stride with technology. Reading The American Woman's Home, I am struck by the knowledge and capacity of these two women. It is like reading Better Homes and Gardens, if the advice in the magazine were taken seriously and not just as entertainment. The sisters present a design for a house and have it and its furnishings and utensils planned down to inch measurement. It's a really rare thing these days to find housekeeping advice that meticulous.
One surprising reason for this is that the sisters were trying to raise the profile of housekeeping and mothering by somewhat formalizing training. Doctors and lawyers, they argue, take ten years to prepare for their profession, while mothers are responsible for the health and safety of the most vulnerable population, and yet their work is considered the lowest form of professional degradation. They do not say, as I expected them to, that women have no training.
They go on to argue that the job is mostly manual labor, but that Jesus and Paul were both manual laborers themselves. They go back and forth between the humility and the honor of the job. I wonder if mothering and housekeeping really was so poorly thought of. I'm sure these sisters knew the field. It is so strange to me, though, to imagine that these female roles really weren't respected.
On a personal note, I certainly can use help and advice, but wisdom is what I most need. Wisdom is applying the right advice in the right situation. Sometimes the more parenting advice I read, the less I know what to do. I wonder if trying to "professionalize" something necessarily raises its profile. Ugh. Sometimes I am very glad I am not "paid" for this job. The pressure would be too intense. And how in the world would I be evaluated, anyway?
I am reading for the sake of research, but I hope to glean some insight on how to run my home, too. I would like to be as well-versed in how to manage my budget, furnishings, clothing, etc. as I am in how to download a free copy of an out-of-print book onto my iPod.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
In the Tide-Mud
Last night, to enter back into the research stream, I read a chapter of Stowe's biography by Joan Hedrick. It was a chapter about Stowe raising kids at home while her husband, Calvin, was away raising support for Lane Seminary, where he, along with Stowe's father, was employed. Money was tight. The house was full of boarders whose rent was to buffer the family budget. Around May of 1844, Stowe told Calvin in a letter:
Since you have been gone, I have had a great pressure of care upon me - The arranging of the whole house with reference to the new system - the cleaning &c- the children's clothes, & the baby often have seemed to press on my mind all at once. Sometimes it sems as if anxious thoughts had become a disease with me from which I could not be free.
Part of Harriet's problem seems to have been that she overcommitted. Her husband chided her in another letter:
Will not experience and no suffering teach you, that there are certain boundaries which you have no right to pass over?
In the middle of this "tide-mud of the real," as Harriet called it, this daily-ness of raising kids, making meals, making sure everyone is clothed, trying to save money, I am of necessity learning to let go of some things that entangle me. I say learning, because I can't honestly say I've broken free of them. But under this "tremendous pressure," it is hard to avoid coming to the conclusion that I can't do everything and still do the things I must.
And my life is not all drudgery. I am removed from HBS's way of life. I don't actually have to make clothes or hang them all to dry. I don't have a house full of boarders, thank heaven. Just my little tribe that keeps me going from sunup until I turn out the light at the end of the day and hope they'll keep sleeping.
I was actually a bit depressed after reading this chapter. Maybe it was a little too real for me. I am glad to know that Stowe had struggles like mine, and yet, wish that someone could have transcended them better.
Since you have been gone, I have had a great pressure of care upon me - The arranging of the whole house with reference to the new system - the cleaning &c- the children's clothes, & the baby often have seemed to press on my mind all at once. Sometimes it sems as if anxious thoughts had become a disease with me from which I could not be free.
Part of Harriet's problem seems to have been that she overcommitted. Her husband chided her in another letter:
Will not experience and no suffering teach you, that there are certain boundaries which you have no right to pass over?
In the middle of this "tide-mud of the real," as Harriet called it, this daily-ness of raising kids, making meals, making sure everyone is clothed, trying to save money, I am of necessity learning to let go of some things that entangle me. I say learning, because I can't honestly say I've broken free of them. But under this "tremendous pressure," it is hard to avoid coming to the conclusion that I can't do everything and still do the things I must.
And my life is not all drudgery. I am removed from HBS's way of life. I don't actually have to make clothes or hang them all to dry. I don't have a house full of boarders, thank heaven. Just my little tribe that keeps me going from sunup until I turn out the light at the end of the day and hope they'll keep sleeping.
I was actually a bit depressed after reading this chapter. Maybe it was a little too real for me. I am glad to know that Stowe had struggles like mine, and yet, wish that someone could have transcended them better.
Monday, August 23, 2010
The First Day of the Rest of My Blog
I have decided to embark on a new project within this blog.
I am watching Julie and Julia this morning, a movie about a woman who, in 2002, cooked her way through Julia Child's cookbook. The movie is about the lives of both women.
My blog has a similar parallelism. I am officially beginning work today on my dissertation on the rhetoric of motherhood among nineteenth century american christian women writers. Meanwhile, I am a full-time mommy of two myself.
I am pretty conservative myself. Extremely conservative for my time. But still not as conservative as Harriet Beecher Stowe and her ilk. And I certainly don't know as much about housework and childraising. How will these women intimidate, surprise, or encourage me? How will our lives be similar, in our devotion to family, and different, in our different household arrangements and technologies?
I figure I will be working on this dissertation for at least two years. I aim to post five times per week. It will keep me going, keep my thougths together, and might even be interesting to other people.
I am going to have a piece of flourless chocolate torte to celebrate this day. It happens to be my husband's birthday; hence the cake. My blog is not about food, but I think the idea had to do with the movie. Like AA, Julie says, it gives you something to do every day. This is a place to talk about my personal reflections on what I learn about the lives of these women. I have professional questions, of course. They have an outlet - the dissertation.
Cake time!
I am watching Julie and Julia this morning, a movie about a woman who, in 2002, cooked her way through Julia Child's cookbook. The movie is about the lives of both women.
My blog has a similar parallelism. I am officially beginning work today on my dissertation on the rhetoric of motherhood among nineteenth century american christian women writers. Meanwhile, I am a full-time mommy of two myself.
I am pretty conservative myself. Extremely conservative for my time. But still not as conservative as Harriet Beecher Stowe and her ilk. And I certainly don't know as much about housework and childraising. How will these women intimidate, surprise, or encourage me? How will our lives be similar, in our devotion to family, and different, in our different household arrangements and technologies?
I figure I will be working on this dissertation for at least two years. I aim to post five times per week. It will keep me going, keep my thougths together, and might even be interesting to other people.
I am going to have a piece of flourless chocolate torte to celebrate this day. It happens to be my husband's birthday; hence the cake. My blog is not about food, but I think the idea had to do with the movie. Like AA, Julie says, it gives you something to do every day. This is a place to talk about my personal reflections on what I learn about the lives of these women. I have professional questions, of course. They have an outlet - the dissertation.
Cake time!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Boundaries and Springs
Sitting on my back porch, looking at the fences and the flowers within. The boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places. Not just physically, but a lot of my spiritual life revolves around a set of physical enclosures these days because of the station of life I'm in. My heart is into Jesus, and my time and work go into a couple of adorable little kids that I can't by any amount of force or will separate my hearstrings from. They are happily entwined, and root me to a location and a path more than any job ever could. It's a calling, and it's an anchor. The Lord has been talking to me a lot about boundaries and springs lately - about being stationary and about His blessing flowing through that. Some verses: Psalm 104:9, and the ongoing verses about the water flowing out to be a blessing; Isaiah 58:11, where the sun-scorced places are the stretches of time and space when I don't have a whole lot of interaction other than what is in my house.
Jesus, lover of my soul, sees me as a garden enclosed (Song of Songs 4:12-15) - and yet fruitful, s of this little secret garden please Him. For that I am thankful, and can find satisfaction for my soul. I want him to be pleased.
Jesus, lover of my soul, sees me as a garden enclosed (Song of Songs 4:12-15) - and yet fruitful, s of this little secret garden please Him. For that I am thankful, and can find satisfaction for my soul. I want him to be pleased.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Everybody's got a job
We've had a long weekend, thanks to an ice and snow storm, so I've had my husband with me for four straight days. It has been so nice, and such a great help.
Tonight I am beginning to feel the anxiety of returning to normal life. It makes me want to point out to Scott how hard my job is, particularly at dinner time, when I just can't cook if my daughter is at my heels.
Then I realize he must feel that way often. Nobody does his job for him. He doesn't have a "work wife," and even if he had that kind of job, he'd still have just as much responsibility.
The one thing about being a mom, I guess, is that it never stops. I read the other day that we are on duty all day, and then on call at night. There are rewards, but it most definitely is a job.
Tonight I am beginning to feel the anxiety of returning to normal life. It makes me want to point out to Scott how hard my job is, particularly at dinner time, when I just can't cook if my daughter is at my heels.
Then I realize he must feel that way often. Nobody does his job for him. He doesn't have a "work wife," and even if he had that kind of job, he'd still have just as much responsibility.
The one thing about being a mom, I guess, is that it never stops. I read the other day that we are on duty all day, and then on call at night. There are rewards, but it most definitely is a job.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Discipline
S.O.S.! Help for Parents
This title, snuggled into one of my bookshelves, seemed like exactly what I needed. I read the first half-dozen short chapters last night. They recommended rewarding good behavior and applying "mild" discpline to bad behaviors. One of these is called "active ignoring," where you ignore the child's bad behavior, and then as soon as they cease it, turn your full attention on them, rewarding them with your attention. I needed this help.
So many little things can ge me down. I actually got up early this morning to have a quiet time, which I haven't been faithful to do - I've let time/sleepiness get the best of me. I read recently that having a daily morning quiet time is the hardest but most important Christian practice.
And I've been reading a lot on worship lately, and trying to align my life with that priority. If I don't get up early and spend time with Him, it just doesn't happen - I get too down.
This title, snuggled into one of my bookshelves, seemed like exactly what I needed. I read the first half-dozen short chapters last night. They recommended rewarding good behavior and applying "mild" discpline to bad behaviors. One of these is called "active ignoring," where you ignore the child's bad behavior, and then as soon as they cease it, turn your full attention on them, rewarding them with your attention. I needed this help.
So many little things can ge me down. I actually got up early this morning to have a quiet time, which I haven't been faithful to do - I've let time/sleepiness get the best of me. I read recently that having a daily morning quiet time is the hardest but most important Christian practice.
And I've been reading a lot on worship lately, and trying to align my life with that priority. If I don't get up early and spend time with Him, it just doesn't happen - I get too down.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Ambience
Part of being a mom is getting used to a whole new set of silly sounds. When our daughter was first born we gave her this elephant that played music when you pulled on its tail. Its songs weren't familiar tunes but they soon became familiar to us, and other parents who had the same little elephant knew the songs, too. Her cradle swing had some soothings songs - one in particular - that we would hum along to. These days our daughter has lots of talking toys. One is a "laptop" that has a little song about how fun it is. It also says, "I like music," sometimes over and over again. She has a little playset on the fridge that has a song about mismatching the head and tail of an animal that I just can't reprint because of copyright. But other moms who have the same toy know the song - I just ran into one tonight. And tonight at dinner we heard a tinny alarm go off, and I figured out it was her temporal lobe thermometer, which she somehow plays with and had set the timer on. The timer is there to remind you to give your sick baby medicine. There are cries in the night you just get used to, and there are the sweet sounds - sweetest in the world is her laugh. There is also her cry - quite often inexplicable to me.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Worship, in the midst...
I didn't get a chance to blog yesterday - and I am not promising to do it absolutely every day - though I wanted to. My daughter is getting over an illness and it just took more out of me than usual to care for her. She just needed extra TLC; lots of holding, lots of my close presence while she was playing. And when deprived of these, for certain necessary periods, she would cry or fuss, which wore on my nerves. Consequently, not a lot of housework got done. The kitchen was a mess.
At night, I got to spend some time going over scriptures the Lord had used to speak to me in a prior season. I also got to read some of a book on worship. It was special time, enabled by my husband's taking care of certain things and overlooking others. I began to wonder, though, is it possible to worship the Lord in a dirty kitchen? I think yes, and no.
Yes, because authentic worship can happen anywhere. Paul and Silas worshipped in jail chains.
No, because a dirty kitchen impedes my ability to perceive the beauty of God's holiness.
Can worship take place in the midst of a day marked by doing chores? Yes. Should my whole life be about doing chores? No.
But chores need to happen, I'm finding out. Ordering my life is good; it helps free me up to worship the Lord in concentrated fashion. I hear Mary vs. Martha concerns all the time. The truth is I have to be somewhat disciplined in order to be able to sit at Jesus' feet. Certain things have to get done. There has to be space on the floor for me to sit, not covered in toys or cat hair.
My danger in becoming Martha-like is not that I'll do too many chores. I'm more likely to err on the side of too few chores. Not to say I don't get distracted. Usually it's on the computer, through e-mail or online social networking. I have to physically force myself to walk away from it and remember that "only a few things are necessary, and really only One."
I read this quote today that encouraged me to live life as sacred - every moment and every space.
"The way wholly loving God works out under the new covenant is in heartfelt obedience to the terms of that covenant ... not so much of a desacralization of space and time and food, as with a sacralization of all space and all time and all food: what God has declared holy let no man declare unholy." (D.A. Carson, Worship by the Book, 40)
There are a lot of ways I could conclude this post, but I just feel affirmed. If taking care of certain basic household needs is holy, I'm not going to let myself or anyone else tell me it's a pitiful waste of my life.
At night, I got to spend some time going over scriptures the Lord had used to speak to me in a prior season. I also got to read some of a book on worship. It was special time, enabled by my husband's taking care of certain things and overlooking others. I began to wonder, though, is it possible to worship the Lord in a dirty kitchen? I think yes, and no.
Yes, because authentic worship can happen anywhere. Paul and Silas worshipped in jail chains.
No, because a dirty kitchen impedes my ability to perceive the beauty of God's holiness.
Can worship take place in the midst of a day marked by doing chores? Yes. Should my whole life be about doing chores? No.
But chores need to happen, I'm finding out. Ordering my life is good; it helps free me up to worship the Lord in concentrated fashion. I hear Mary vs. Martha concerns all the time. The truth is I have to be somewhat disciplined in order to be able to sit at Jesus' feet. Certain things have to get done. There has to be space on the floor for me to sit, not covered in toys or cat hair.
My danger in becoming Martha-like is not that I'll do too many chores. I'm more likely to err on the side of too few chores. Not to say I don't get distracted. Usually it's on the computer, through e-mail or online social networking. I have to physically force myself to walk away from it and remember that "only a few things are necessary, and really only One."
I read this quote today that encouraged me to live life as sacred - every moment and every space.
"The way wholly loving God works out under the new covenant is in heartfelt obedience to the terms of that covenant ... not so much of a desacralization of space and time and food, as with a sacralization of all space and all time and all food: what God has declared holy let no man declare unholy." (D.A. Carson, Worship by the Book, 40)
There are a lot of ways I could conclude this post, but I just feel affirmed. If taking care of certain basic household needs is holy, I'm not going to let myself or anyone else tell me it's a pitiful waste of my life.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Getting my Kix - I
Bowl of Kix for bedtime snack. I haven't had Kix since I was a kid. They were new then. I bought them for my infant daughter. It's just one of many ways that I feed off of the life I created for her. I didn't mean to share so much of it, but hey, I get my Kix that way.
She's been sick this past week. We are over the throwing up, but not past the diarrhea. Parts of yesterday and today she was in all-out fussy mood. Arching her back but still wanting to be held. It's frustrating even when you suspect it has something to do with her not feeling good. Then there is the guilt later on when she passes a couple of giant BM's and you realize what was the culprit. The guilt teaches you to be gentle next time the situation is exactly the same. But if it's a little different, you'll probably be just as irritated by the seeming irrationality of it. At least, I will.
Stayed home from church today. It was a nice break. We were trying to avoid the bug that's going around.
She's been sick this past week. We are over the throwing up, but not past the diarrhea. Parts of yesterday and today she was in all-out fussy mood. Arching her back but still wanting to be held. It's frustrating even when you suspect it has something to do with her not feeling good. Then there is the guilt later on when she passes a couple of giant BM's and you realize what was the culprit. The guilt teaches you to be gentle next time the situation is exactly the same. But if it's a little different, you'll probably be just as irritated by the seeming irrationality of it. At least, I will.
Stayed home from church today. It was a nice break. We were trying to avoid the bug that's going around.
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